It's been a long and stressful semester full of sweat and tears (from both the gym and finals), though I can proudly say that I've made it through 1/8th of college alive!
To be completely honest, I thought my experience at university would be a much easier experience than the reality I truly faced these past four months. Transitioning from high school into college was by far the most draining, hair-pulling phase that not only I, but every freshman, had to adjust to, and often times I do still struggle with time management and yes, even feeding myself daily (bagel bites and nutella are the best meal you can have!).
I know I'm still technically a baby when it comes to being a college student, but the lessons I've learned last semester are essential in helping me grow as an individual and continue my journey of self-identity. From forgetting to print out an essay the same morning it was due to nights crying myself to sleep because I just felt so alone and unhappy, I managed to pull myself together and look at these barriers with a more positive lens, which is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
If anyone knows me, the words stress and worry is synonymous with my name. I always want to make everyone happy, make the right choices without any doubts, and know exactly how my future will turn out. Of course there is no guarantee of what my future job will be, where I will live, and how my income will look, so you can probably guess that the beginning of college was a nightmare for me. Aside from the stress baking and eating when I felt hopeless, I also turned to writing more often and taking long naps... the three hour kind where you wake up at 6pm and realize you could've been doing something way more productive than sleeping.
At one point I also noticed that a part of me had completely stopped trying, not only in school but even in doing things for fun -- reading, drawing, listening to music, talking to friends. I just felt so empty inside and couldn't bring myself to feel motivated. Thank god for newspaper, though. Joining newspaper really helped me to cope with these feelings of uncertainty and sadness. Also thank god for the friends I made at college and the old ones too. I remember crying over how alone I thought I was because I wasn't making friends as easily as I thought I would, but now I learned that you can't expect friends to just come to you without making an effort on your part -- join a club, go out, and just be happy. Positivity is something I still struggle with maintaining, though I'm learning and getting better each day.
Also, it's completely okay to just have one or two close friends in school as long as you have someone you can trust and confide in. Some people don't need a huge group of friends to be happy and that's okay. :) Oh, and don't worry about being walking alone to class in college or eating by yourself some days! No. one. actually. notices.
Note to Self:
Just Breath In and Out. Sometimes things will be tough, but everything will be okay in the end.
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